Live Review

Splendour in the Grass 2016: Day 1

8.30am - The shower line already has about 20 people over the still quite sizeable toilet line, populated by hungover braided and bindi’d men and women. It’s about the same situation on the next visible toilet block. The composting toilets in the camping area are one of several important and generally effective measures taken by Splendour to mitigate the unavoidable environmental damage impact of a festival this size, but being greeted by a mountain of after grog bogs first thing in the morning is not ideal. The stench is physical.

11.32am - The grounds look impeccable on the first day of the festival. The line for drinks and cash almost rivals the loo lines in the camping area, it’s reached a steady 25 degrees and punters are working up a thirst just by waiting.

11.33am - Revelation: 25 degrees is fucking hot when you’re skipping across the grounds trying to find your media pass. It’s still too early for everyone’s glitter to have sweat off, the crowd slowly filtering in is still fresh and beautiful, the sky is clear for miles.

1.01pm - Sampa the Great has just set the tone for the next three days, even got bros in collared shirts and boat shoes boppin’ in the Mix Up Tent.

Revelation update: found the media lounge fitted with charge station and wifi so I can continue the contentification of the day AND I can hear Karina Utomo of High Tension (one of a handful of heavy and or metal bands on the lineup) tearing the fresh crowd a new one from the Amphitheatre stage.

1.06pm - Confirmed: Kaz is turning the heat up and floral headbands are confused.

2.43pm - After the people spilling out of the GW McLennan tent, for breakout indie rock outfit Methyl Ethyl, had dissipated, there were still a few scattered about the front of the tent for Fat White Family. One Google search tells me half the crowd will be here because of that one time the British punk-western act threw feces at each other on stage. This half of the crowd was not disappointed. The first airborne organic material were chip sandwiches left from their rider flung into the crowd. And then lead man Lias Saodi dropped his pants, checked his own prostate and finished the set butt naked. And no one stopped him. Props to Splendour on this, perhaps at another festival the stage managers would have tried to sanitise FWF’s set but they were an unscripted counterpoint to the flashy lights and showy rock n roll of the Amphitheatre sets.

5.12pm - The sun goes down over the amphitheatre as shocks of The Kills’ singer Alison Mosshart’s pink hair thrash all over the big screens. Humans are stumbling around bleary eyed but no major hot messes yet. I’m daydreaming about what would happen if FWF were given an Amphi slot. Mass butthole exposure, probably.

7.08pm - Tipi forest is full and probably will be for the next 2 days, from my vantage point at the top of a hill bordering the Amphi it looks like a kind of trance prison. People are streaming uphill towards the Amphi for Violent Soho as I stay put for the calmer waters of Leon Bridges back at GW McLennan.

8.45pm - Leon Bridges is the saint we don’t deserve. The Texan blues crooner is an incredible showman, his spirituals in stark contrast to the two girls fighting about pills next to me. Why do people smoke in packed tents? I mean a joint I understand, I’m cool and everything, but do you really need 3 cigs during a soul set? Leon Bridges, tho. Not even the tobacco chimney or other people’s pill problems can ruin this for me.

9.05pm - Arrive at the amphitheatre for The Avalanches.

9.25pm - Find spare patch of grass from which to view The Avalanches.

9.48pm - Trying to make sense of this set, one guy and a girl performing some of the samples live with guys behind the decks, everyone is boogieing to the memorable singles Since I Met You and more recently Frankie Sinatra.

11.05pm - Having missed my phase with The Strokes, Julian Casablancas’ banter seems awkward but their set is tight and the diehard crowd (ok, most of the crowd) are into it. The amphitheatre is packed beyond comprehension and I'm mostly distracted by my own getaway plans.

11.55pm - The getaway plan is to leave 5 minutes before their set finishes. It works a treat.

The first day is wrapped with no major mishaps and the only mud I’ve encountered was at the base of the water refill tank which I’ve forgiven, and I'll sleep easy seeing the forecast of sunny skies is the same for the rest of the weekend.

Outfit of the day: Guy dressed in giant Splenda packet. Best act: Sampa the Great’s BVs Lesson learned: Don’t use the Amphi portaloos after midnight.

- Grace Pashley: The Amplifier.

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